I don’t believe in your world today filled with plastic words through hollow grins, the way you lied with a convincing smile that knives won’t hurt going in
But here I am. Standing in the reign soaking up your red rage, with all of the eyes of this fucked up world upon me, I smile.
And you all wonder why I’m apart from this scene
it doesn’t feel the way it should anyway , It’s just a little white lie laced with ecstasy
and I keep to myself
because you just couldn’t understand all those things I think about. What would you say if I was caught thinking out loud?
if all these wonders of my mind came leaking out, would you then stop asking me to smile?
or would you finally stop asking of me to respect this society all wrapped up in tinsel wishing secretly they were free
And I can’t be anyone else, but for you my love I wish I could. And I’m not that man in the photo, I never was
and I can’t be the one you need today, We lost him years ago
and if I leak away any more of my soul, I won’t ever stop to assimilate that perfect little me that’s never home
and I can’t be the one, I just can’t be, I would have already won that booby prize, with shiny tinsel blindfolds and everything
And the world looks down on me like its Antichrist time
And I sit in my puddles of pessimism and smile.
I can’t feel your world anymore there’s no meaning behind it all, its grey like shark eyes attacking without restraint.
Like the consequence of a lie aimed the wrong way, but what about me?
Am I the only one thinking of this world and it inevitable demise?
You only see the roaches of society like me laughing, because I choose not to be like you wishing secretly, I was free
And YES, YES!
I have these evil thoughts
about all of you
and about me
And if you all wonder why I’m not part of this scene, I wouldn’t fit in anyway, there’s too much plastic and not enough cling
so, I’ll keep to myself
because you wouldn’t understand all the things that mother made me do, so what would you do if I was caught thinking out loud?
if all my everything came rushing out, would you then see the real me? That person you’ve been waiting on so patiently?
Or would you then STOP asking me to smile
because nothing is free
but the thought so familiar
it’s me in your crosshairs…
I’m 23 lbs under weight,
Ribs protrude like cracks in the sand
I kinda look like the grill from an old rusty Chevy.
My teeth are constantly telling me with jolts of pain
to stop eating sweets, but its nothing
1600 mg of Motrin wont cure for the moment.
And my eyes grow more out of focus
with each passing moment that seems to blur on by,
like a bird that whizzes by, only it slams into the window
leaving its eyes stuck to the reflection
of the horizon on the pane,
it too cannot see a true horizon anymore.
And all that tar that chokes me on a daily basis
takes yet another breath of sweet life away,
so I place another between and ignite it with a passion
to fill me breathless once again.
My speculation of good health is blackened and over run
by the reality of my ill past, making for an unhealthy future.
But at least I’m not a cat,
and have to do this eight more times
after this one… EK
Today I saw my new eye when I got up
Third eye sprung open but still I couldn't see
and this drove me crazy for a while
until I fell back into that precious little hole I like to call my mind
From there I tried to speak to you with my new tongue
it said nothing but words I can never explain
and when I tried to understand all these things I have done
I lost my will to live in silence again.
And this drove me crazy for a while
then my face hit that waiting floor
I like to call my pride.
You see, some days I'm violent
today I'm cruel
tomorrow maybe I’ll feel like shit and be invisible to you
If only you can see me laughing
with my skin painted red with hate
but its all for me, not you
When I woke up and tasted my first breath
with new lungs filled with death
I choked the day blue just for you my dear, just for you.
and collapsed into what I once was gasping like a dying Clown
and when I tried to love with my new heart
all the stitches came unglued
so I crawled back to you my dear
just to bleed me.
I tried on some new skin today
it felt like me but was a bit darker than I'm used to
so I asked a stranger for advice, I asked you
and right through me you walked, right by
I was invisible to you
and I'm lucky like that.
whats wrong with you today? why cant you see
that I'm having such a lucky day. EK